She Stole My Heart
by michellewritesfics
Summary: There's this girl. You probably don't know her, but she's wonderful. So wonderful, in fact, that it took me 13 tries to express my love for her. You probably don't know her, but let me tell you about a girl named Rose Tyler.
1. Rose

A/N: Yay for something new! Completely and utterly 9th Doctor/Rose and 10th Doctor/Rose, although, it's narrated by the 10th Doctor. First person POV (I don't really favor it as much as third person, but I needed a change) and present tense.

Um… yeah. Here, have some fluffy feelings. I don't own anything but this story.

* * *

There's this girl. You probably don't know her, but she's wonderful. So wonderful, in fact, that it took me 13 tries to express my love for her. You probably don't know her, but let me tell you about a girl named Rose Tyler.

Well, what about Rose? Where to start? I don't know. I have no bloody clue. She's this girl. No, no. She isn't just this girl. She's the most gracious and brilliant girl - maybe even human being - I've ever met. And trust me, I've been alive for a long time now.

I really don't know how to describe her. I'm at a loss of words for her.

She's blonde. She thinks she has a boring life - well, she says that it's boring, as for me, I think it's fascinating - and she has a boyfriend. Or, _had_. They've broken up. Rose has this stupid smile that lights up the room. It's contagious, her smile. You just can't help but smile when you see her. It's impossible not to. She's in her early 20s now. Pretty young.

What else is there?

Oh, god.

She's determined. She would do anything for the people she love. Another thing about her. There's almost no limit to how much she can love. The love she gives? Unconditional. Bit of a love martyr that way, but everyone as their flaws.

Speaking of her flaws. She's clingy. Rose Tyler can cling to you, but she makes up for that by using that mundane brain of hers. Rose isn't the smartest person ever, but she knows what she's doing most of the time. She's a bit stubborn, too. Must be some kind of trait with teenagers and young adults.

I really don't want to babble on about her - as much as I'd love to - because I kind of want to portray her in a way that won't bore you. In a brief summary of her. Of our relationship.

So, there's this girl. Her name's Rose Tyler. She's dead, but don't worry. She's in a better place now. I want to tell you about all the times I've wanted to tell her I cared about her while I was in her company. I don't care if you don't know her, because really, it doesn't matter if you do or not. She's just another human. Just like you. Rose Tyler's just a girl that I happened to fall in love with without my awareness.


	2. Human

"_Blimey!"_

"_Don't laugh!"_

"_You look beautiful! Considering…"_

"_Considering what?"_

"_That you're human."_

* * *

Humans are funny little things. Little fleshy people. Some of you don't think too highly of yourselves and well, others? They think they're gods or something.

You lot aren't.

You're just humans. Another race. Simple, little race. And you all are beautiful.

Um, I was in my ninth regeneration. I'm currently in my tenth. And well, let's just say that Rose and I had to dress up - well, Rose dressed up, not me… hate costumes - to fit in the 19th century.

…

Let's just say that she surprised me.

I mean, I didn't _expect_ her to look like that. In a dress and all. Always thought of her as some kind of chav that wanted to go adventuring with me. I certainly didn't expect her to look elegant.

That's the thing about you guys. You look normal and act normal, but once in a while, you end up showing just how glamorous you are. How great and wonderful and downright perfect you are. That applied to Rose when I saw her in the dress.

To be honest - yes, I'm saying that I'm not truthful all the time - I think humans are interesting to point out and make fun of. Actually, that works for every race I've come in contact with. Mocking them, complimenting them, and maybe insult them a few times. That's why Rose told me not to laugh. Because my ninth body would point out flaws and insult others. It was rather funny. And for the record, I didn't laugh… okay, I did. I laughed a bit, but that's all.

I think she was self-conscious about her being in a dress. I'm not sure. Rose probably doesn't appreciate wearing dresses everywhere. She doesn't seem like the type of girl to wear dresses anyway, so that was a nice change.

It was a bit weird. Or well, it felt weird at the time. When I saw her, I almost immediately blurted that compliment out. And frankly, I don't know why I added the 'considering' part. Why would I do that? I don't know. I mean, she's beautiful. She's bloody gorgeous.

… I think I had to remind myself that she is still human. I had already grown to like her. That was probably the first time I - kind of - confessed that I like her. I… kind of had to remind myself that I shouldn't like a human in such a way. I felt like I needed to love humans - and any race, for that matter - platonically. As a whole. Universally.

I really don't know why I said that because even though Rose is a human, she is beautiful. One of the most graceful beings I've ever met.


	3. Grateful

"_I'm so glad I met you."_

"_Me, too."_

* * *

We were still in the 19th century. Apparently, we were going to die. Yeah, we were about to die. I'll spare you the details, but we nearly died. Not my fault, this time.

We held hands. Rose and I thought we were going to die. Well, she was going to die with the rest of the people around - I could've just regenerated - but that's not the point. We spent that moment, thinking that we would die and accepting - hell, even _inviting _death - holding hands.

I didn't know what was going on in her head at the time, but judging from that smile, it seemed like she was completely fine with dying. With me. I can't get over that. We didn't really know each other too much at that time, so her being content with dying with someone she barely knew? That shocked me. It still does. As I'm writing this.

I didn't seek any comfort or whatever I was meant to feel when on the brink of death. I was all right with it all. Actually, couldn't have been happier. But when I held Rose's hand, I didn't want to let go. I remember not wanting to let go of her hand.

There was no exchange of goodbyes. It was just that. Just that.

You've no idea how big of a smile I made when she announced that she was happy that she met me. I'm the type of person that wants people to like me, to stroke my ego with compliments and all. But this time, it was different. I didn't want anyone to say that they like being around me or anything because I didn't think of it. I just told Rose Tyler that I was - and still am - happy to have met her. I didn't expect her to say anything back, really. Nothing special. I told her how I felt at that moment.

I could have told her a countless number of times that I was fond of her being with me, being a friend and all, but I chose _that_ time. I think it was partially because we were going to die. Didn't want to confess a long awaited "I love you", so I didn't. I didn't love her at the time; I just enjoyed her company. Until I said that. I felt different.

It was all so ridiculous. The whole thing. Not in a funny way. More like in a mind-blowing way.

Looking back at this moment now, I think this was the moment that I fell in love with her. Yeah. This was the moment I realized that I love Rose and that I didn't look at her like the rest of my companions - like some kind of pet or a friend - but someone I wanted to spend time with. Maybe that's when I changed my perspective about her.


	4. The Price

"_I could save the world, but lose you."_

* * *

Where do I even start? Okay, okay. Everything's going to hell and I, uh, I had to decide on some things. Jackie wouldn't shut up. And communicating with Mickey was just as bad.

I'm not quite sure if I remember too much about this because it was too stressful and I had to focus on too many things. My memory's hazy on this part.

But what I do remember is that Rose was all right with it. Jackie wanted Rose safe and I had been nagging at her that she was. I had a plan at the time, but it was risky. Since Jackie wanted her daughter safe, I couldn't use it.

I don't even know why I thought about using the plan. I was absolutely prepared to risk Rose's life in order to save millions - hell, _billions_ - of other people. It was nearly perfect. Rose's death would have been honorable if that were to happen. Everyone would have lived. Then…

"Then what're you waiting for?"

What? Just… what?

I can't begin to describe how I felt about that. I mean, this girl, this stupid - I write that with the nearly all the affection in the world - human girl was willing to risk her life to save everyone. To go with the plan. What kind of crazy girl would do that? … Rose. Only she would.

She was fine with my sacrificing her to save the world. And the thing is, I didn't even tell her what my plan was. Just. God. Rose, you are impressive. Are all humans like this? Always risking their lives for others? A bit too chivalrous, you guys.

Um, anyway, I wasn't prepared to use the plan anymore. I'd expected her to tell me not to use it once I told her, but Rose, being her natural self, was fine with everything I did. I think she agreed because she still idolized me, thinking I'm some kind of know-it-all.

Remembering this moment as much as I can, I think that this is one of the most scariest experiences I've had. All I really remembered was that I wanted to keep Rose safe. And I still do.


	5. Bad Wolf

"_I think you need a doctor."_

* * *

Okay, Wow. This was the sappiest thing I've ever said. It was incredibly cheesy and stupid and I don't know why I even said it.

…

Rose was hurting. She looked into the time vortex - something that no one should ever, ever do - and she couldn't handle it. It was killing her. The extreme energy of the vortex. The ability to see what is, what could, what had been, what will be. Rose saw _everything_. And the Bad Wolf was born. A time goddess. One that I didn't want. One that I was afraid of. One that I wished hadn't emerged.

I remember being terrified as hell. I was scared that Rose was going to die. I had to get the vortex out of her before she… she exploded. And so, what did I do? I kissed her. No, it wasn't such a passionate kiss. I don't think exchanging the time vortex through lip-to-lip contact is very sexy. But I kissed her. I kissed Rose in the form of the Bad Wolf. Not the way I had intended to, but it was done.

I told her she needed a doctor. It was really sappy. Horrible pick-up line, I have to say. But after I kissed her, she was all right.

The look she gave me. It was like she wasn't sure what had happened. Like she had just gotten up from a nap. Not a minute later, she fell unconscious, leaving my ninth body with the time vortex swirling in his - or should I say my? - system.

I wasn't scared anymore because she was safe. Rose was safe and her safety was all I cared about. I didn't care that because of the exchange, I was forced to regenerate into my tenth and current body; I didn't care that she had done something forbidden. I just didn't care. Rose was okay. She wasn't hurting. She wasn't crying. The Bad Wolf was no longer around.

The scariest part was that she did it for me. She killed the Daleks for me. She raised Jack from the dead - not for me, but for him, I suppose - and she… god. Rose is an idiot for doing that. Anyway, she needed someone to take care of her and I filled that role.

The whole thing was intense. I said a sappy line, she slipped into unconsciousness, and I had the vortex in me.

"My head is killing me." That's what she said. It was the perfect opportunity.

I realize that was just an excuse to say the line. Sorry.

But I'm happy to admit that she hasn't gotten any headaches as of late. Not as long as she has her Doctor with her.


	6. Fantastic

"_Rose, before I go, I just wanted to tell you: you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic."_

* * *

Damn time vortex forcing my body to regenerate. But it was all for good reason. Rose was still safe, but… she didn't want me to leave? She thought I was going to die. I didn't tell her that I have to the power to cheat death. Well, not a complete description of it.

You should have seen her face. You ever seen those movies and shows where someone dies and their friend or lover rushes to carry them in their arms and beg them not to die? And the injured says something before dying? Something like, "I love you" or "I'll always be in your heart" or something stupid like that? And their friend or lover would start tearing up? It wasn't like that. For one, she wasn't crying, but she was upset. She didn't know what to do, either. Looking all confused. Felt sorry for her.

But like that sappy scene you humans watch in movies and shows, she didn't want me to go. She didn't necessarily beg for me to stay with her, but you could have seen it in her eyes. And thankfully, I didn't tell her I love her. That would have ruined the moment altogether, I think. Really, one cliché comment per day is suitable enough.

I was going to die. Kind of. I had to compliment her, not because I felt like I needed to, but because I wanted to. I wanted to tell her how great of a companion she was and I did. Rose still is a wonderful companion, by the way. One of the top… 20? Maybe 15.

I had harbored feelings for Rose during my ninth regeneration. I had to express my gratitude somehow. Taking her to trips around the universe was more of a daily thing, so that wasn't it. That's why I told her she was a great person. A fantastic girl. And she is. There's nothing in this world or the multiple worlds that are in this universe that will tell me that Rose is a bad person.

Being a teenage girl, I bet she felt like she wasn't really all that great. But she was and is. And will always be spectacular. I cannot recall the bunch of times that she proved to me that she is a remarkable person.

That goes for all the teenagers - or hell, anyone - that thinks that they do not feel worthy or competent. You are all fantastic and you bring inspiration and strength to the people that love you. The same way Rose loves me and the same way I love her.


	7. Forever

"_I don't age. I regenerate. But humans decay. You wither and you die. Imagine watching that happen to someone you-"_

"_What, Doctor?"_

"_You can spend the rest of your life with me… but I can't spend the rest of mine with you."_

* * *

Looks like I managed to cross paths with another companion of mine. Sarah Jane Smith. Oh, lovely lass, she is. Just love her. But she's not really important right now.

Rose found out that I had been traveling with friends before - a bit dull, she is - and thought I'd just leave her behind like I did with Sarah Jane. I didn't like the talk that came after she realized that. Rose Tyler: making me uncomfortable with chatting with her about previous companions since 2005.

I have to ask. Do you lot often get jealous? That's the kind of vibe I got from Rose. She could have been jealous of Sarah Jane, but I didn't ask her. Another thing, judging from my run-ins with humans, you all seem so devoted which kind of borders clinginess. Just a bit.

Anyway, Rose asked if I was going to ditch her. I actually didn't think of it until that moment. I knew I couldn't stay with her forever. I remember completely that I just wanted to leave her there. Right then and there. It would have been better that way. I wanted that. I couldn't have to see her grow old and fall ill to some kind of disease, then, you know… _die_. Leaving her with her mum and Mickey would always be better than having her travel with me forever until she died.

Now, I'm not so sure. Rose is dead. So, maybe I did manage to get my wish after all? That stupid wish.

I'm personally glad she didn't let me finish my sentence. Just, can you imagine that? Like, if you're some kind of vampire - I apologize, it's a cliché, I know - and your beloved is mortal. You'll have to watch them die and you'll continue living. Alone. I didn't want that. I didn't want Rose to do that to me.

This was the moment that forever started.

Rose would stay with me as long as she wanted. I'd stay with Rose as long as she could.

I didn't know it yet, but I promised her forever. Just by saying I couldn't spend all my life with her. It was a childish promise, I think. Probably why I didn't live up to that promise.

Forever: without end; ever-lasting; for always.

Always. I like that.

I didn't promise Rose Tyler forever by saying that we'd travel together as long as we could. One of us would probably get over it after some time. Probably a few years. What I _did _promised her was that I'll always love her.

I still do.


	8. She Knew

"_If you talk to Rose, tell her I… oh, she knows."_

* * *

That pit was scary. I'm not going to set the scene completely, but there was this pit. I had to go there and do something, something heroic, like I always do. I was talking to this girl, Ida, about faith. I don't know, it just kind of happened. She asked what I believed in. I immediately thought to the Devil or Satan or whatever the hell he's called now. Explained that I really didn't believe in whatever that says that it lived way before the universe was made. That's a bit nutty, isn't it?

I tried to force the topic somewhere else. Then, Rose.

I'm a bit of a loon for thinking about her. Like some stupid lovesick lad.

But it was the only thing I could think of. Kind of wanted some closure. I thought I wouldn't see her again, or maybe for a long time. Maybe I'd fall to my death and regenerate? I'd be a different man. Maybe she wouldn't like my new body. I don't know what I was thinking. At that moment, I had to say something. Wanted to tell Ida that if she saw Rose, she'd tell her that I love her.

But she knew that already. Rose knew that I do love her. Caught myself before I could say any more. Because… I didn't know why I didn't say it. Like I said, I'm a loon.

Anyway, I fell to my potential death. But I really didn't die, now did I? I'm still here. Writing this journal. Unhooked the last one from my harness and fell. Rather dark. Scary, too.

But enough about that. I think I know the reason why I didn't finish my sentence to Ida. I think it's because, other than the obvious - the romantic gesture of my being able to meet with Rose and telling it to her myself - I think it's because it's a bit of a reminder. Don't you think? If you love someone and they love you back, you don't say "I love you" every day. Because they know and you know they know and… it's weird. It's like giving someone a banana and telling them that it's not an apple, but a banana. And that other person knows that it's a banana because of the color and the shape. You don't need to remind them.

I didn't need to remind Rose that I love her. Aren't the things that I do show just that? I've traveled with her for a while. I've shown her planets and stars and nearly everything that's to see in the universe. And I didn't do it to impress her. I did it because I knew she'd love to see it. To experience that awe and shock. To see the beauty in everything.

I love Rose. She didn't need me to tell her that I do.


	9. Belief

"_If I believe in one thing, just one thing… I believe in her!"_

* * *

You know how in my last entry I was talking about a pit? Apparently, there'd been a beast in there. Could have been the Devil. Could have been some regular creature. Doesn't matter anymore. That monster's dead. Gone.

I was figuring out the plan. The beast made a plan, something I figured out almost instantly - I'm clever, having been alive for 900 years, I've caught on to how people work - and that plan, or at least, I think that its plan was, concerned Rose. If I killed the beast, I killed Rose.

It's been done before. My sacrificing Rose for the greater good. Done it a few times. But she always came back. But this time? I wasn't too sure.

I'm not ashamed to say that I gloated. Just a teeny bit. Told the beast I've seen a lot of things. The beast implied that it was the Devil. I bragged about how I had seen a lot of things that claimed to have some divine power to make them appear like gods or goddesses.

Something came into my mind. That talk about Ida. Another reason to add about why I mentioned Rose. I had faith in her. I not only wanted to tell her that I love her, but because I love her, I have intense faith in her that she could do something without my help and have it been done successfully.

I don't really believe in too many things. I believe humans are a fascinating race, but that's a bit of an opinion. I don't believe in God or Jesus or anyone like that. I'm not calling myself an atheist, but I'm not calling myself religious, either. I'm far from it. I may not believe in God, but I certainly do believe that humans are capable of doing amazing things.

Rose is just one person from the human race that I believe firmly in. If I were to just believe in one thing and one thing only, it would be Rose. She's not like God, she's not like the goddesses portrayed in Egyptian or Greek mythology. She's just normal. And that's why I believe in her. When you believe in something like God, you expect Him to listen to your rants and complaints, and expect Him to fix them for you. With Rose, you really don't expect anything. She's just a lass with nothing particularly interesting or outstanding about her. Yet, she does her best to help.

The whole talk to the beast about it all. I was facing the possible embodiment of Satan, having a one-sided conversation with it, _telling_ it in what I believe in. Telling the_ Devil _that I believe in something other than its rival, God.

I think that says a lot about me. About what I think about the whole faith thing. It's not stupid. It's just that I've got other things to believe in. Like Rose Tyler.


	10. A Hand to Hold

"_You know the thing you need most of all? You need a hand to hold."_

* * *

You ever get scared? Scared of the vastness of everything? The mysteries of the world? And you're terribly frightened that something might pop up and sweep you away? And you're so scared that you expect someone to be there for you; to comfort you?

I've seen a lot of things. I'm old, I'm _ancient_. But I'm still afraid of what I haven't seen. Of what I have seen. It's just scary. What one can discover.

We were having a conversation and I told her that. She extended her arm out to me. What was the appropriate thing to do? Hold her hand. Unfortunately, she didn't want me to hold her hand. She was pointing. It was an awkward moment. For me, anyway.

But.

Holding her hand. It wasn't anything magical, just… I don't know. It was nice. Holding her hand. Well, I do that every possible chance I get. The thing is with Rose Tyler and I, we always hold hands. It's like we always need to. Just in case something happens. Something bad happens. The other either gets pulled along with the situation or they both give enough effort to save each other and pull ourselves out of the problem. There's no in between. We either win or we lose.

Every race, if you're a Martian, a human, a Gallifreyan, or whatever; every one of us needs to socialize with someone. To become dependent on someone. I've chosen a bunch of people to socialize with, but there's only one person I can depend on right now and that's Rose. When I get stuck in a situation, I'll look around for her. I'll look for her hand reaching out to me, waiting for me to take her hand.

I wish I could tell you how much I'm dependent over a silly human like Rose. It's so funny. Me, a Time Lord, practically entwined with this useless girl with no A-skills or anything. It's just… hilarious.

And I love it.

I know I can rely on Rose in any and every kind of situation ever. There's always one of us that's going to need each other when we're depressed, out of control, yearning, or whatever the case, and there's always that hand. _Always_. We're just going to be there for each other. I'm sure a lot of you would agree to that. Whether you have a parent, a friend, a lover, you'll have someone there to look after you and you doing the same to them.

She'll always be the person I'd want to hold onto.


	11. Burning Up a Sun

"_I lo-I love you."_

"_Quite right, too. And I suppose, if it's my last chance to say it… Rose Tyler, I-"_

* * *

This was it.

I had the chance to say it.

And I was going to.

But…

Everything happened in a flash. I was at the bay, looking at her. Her tears streaming down her red cheeks. And then, back to the TARDIS. Alone. No Rose. No Jackie. Nobody.

I hate myself for not saying it quickly enough. I hate _her _for telling me that. Of course she loves me. I'm loveable. I know she loves me. I know I love her. Hell, she knows I do. She knows everything about us. And I just… I just hate her.

She shouldn't have told me. I wouldn't have to be forced to say the same. Besides, it was uncalled for, I think. Maybe she didn't want me to think that she doesn't love me? But… I knew. I _know_ she loves me. She always has.

I still get angry sometimes; whenever I think of this. I don't know why. It's just a memory I'd rather not think of. But I have to. For this.

This was the day Rose Tyler died. She died at Canary Wharf. Along with hundreds of others. Both Rose and Jackie were transferred to Pete's world. Pete, in the original universe, was dead. In Pete's world, Jackie was the one that died. It was perfect. Rose, Jackie, and Pete. All together in one world.

But Rose didn't like it. She wanted to stay with me. Go on adventures with me. That wasn't possible anymore. This was the end of her time-traveling days.

…

It didn't stop her.

I got to see her one last time. This was the time. Last I was with her, we were holding on for dear life. I gave her a goodbye. Maybe not one she wanted. It wasn't one I wanted either. But it was a goodbye. I burnt a sun just to do that. I forced a _sun_ to burn out to say bye to Rose Tyler. I'm crazy. Absolutely crazy. Just a crazy fool in love. Still, she got her farewell. That was the best I could do.

I think I don't need to go further into this. It's so obvious. Our last goodbye. Heartfelt. An exchange of confessions that we already knew about.

I don't know why I'm still writing this entry. You know the story. Or, kind of. Doesn't matter. Don't want to go into details about this. I need to find an ending to this. I don't want to feel this… pain. I don't want to say goodbye like that again. I don't want to see her cry again. I want to see Rose happy. Smiling. As she should be.

Nobody looks good when they're crying. Not even beautiful Rose. To the people that have stumbled on this… whatever this thing is, keep on smiling. Don't cry. Don't say "I love you" to people you care about because they already know. Instead, give them a hug. A kiss. Or if you can't - like in my case - tell them why you love them.

I still have a lot of reasons why I love Rose Tyler. After all, I burnt a sun to see her again.


	12. What's in a Name?

"_But your heart grows cold, the north wind blows, and carries down the distant… Rose?"_

"_Oh, big mistake! 'cause that name keeps me fighting!"_

* * *

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet."

I was with Martha. No Rose. Obviously no Rose. Rose is gone. And besides, Martha's fantastic. Simply great.

Martha and I stumbled in 1599. Brilliant time to meet Shakespeare, which we did. There just happened to be Lilith - no, not _that_ Lilith - to mess up our plans. Don't worry, I trapped her and the other witches in a crystal ball.

Anyway. Lilith put a spell on Martha, made her unconscious… or what Lilith would say "sleeping". She tried the spell on me. Didn't work. She didn't know my actual name. And just so you know, it's not Theta Sigma.

Lilith tried Rose's name. Stupid girl, isn't she?

It obviously didn't work. I was still missing Rose, but hearing her name didn't make me go into a deep depression or whatnot. Hearing Rose's name now makes me happy. Back then? Not technically happy, but not really sad either.

Rose.

Noun: a kind of brightly-colored, usually sweet-scented flower, usually with sharp thorns.

Adjective: bright; hopeful.

She always did dress in the most colorful ways. Pink, blue, purple. It fit her. It still fits her. Rose smelt sweet. Just a spritz of perfume. She usually smelt of soap and that natural scent. That scent whenever you enter a store. That smell.

She's bright. Not intellect-wise, but… she had a bright smile. She was so happy, so hopeful, so full of positive energy.

And that's why her name gave me strength. That's why her name will always give me strength whenever I need it most. She's bright. Like a star. She'll give you hope.

Rose Tyler is the reason why I keep doing what I'm doing. I'm still going on adventures. I'm still making friends. I'm still fighting off enemies. Because _she's_ the reason. Not because of my moral code or whatever - even if that still applies heavily to why I do 'heroic' things. It's all her. Always her. If it weren't for her, I'd still be sulking about the Time War - … well, I still do - and maybe threatening to blow up Earth along with whatever's attacking the planet.

My moral code isn't strong, I think. I'm old. So old. When you're old, you get kind of lost in everything. You need someone to remind you of things. The little things. Sometimes, the big things.

Yeah. It'll always be Rose. It'll always be her. Telling me to keep on fighting.


	13. Imaginary

"_It's wonderful. And quite an eye for pretty girls."_

"_Oh, no. No. She's just an invention. This character. Rose, I call her. Rose. Seems to disappear later on."_

* * *

Have you ever heard of a Chameleon Arch? No? Didn't think you would. It's a device of some kind; it modifies a Gallifreyan's cell structure. Their biology. I've only used it once before this time. I had to this time. I had to. Run away from an enemy, that's all. Run with Martha to 1913.

I wasn't me at this time. I was John Smith. A persona of mine. Human. So very human. Rose would've loved him. Still, no Time Lord-y about John Smith. He's just some chap. Some human, goofy little chap. Another human. Unable to sense the dangers of everything. Unable to believe the impossible. An ignorant ape.

John carried a journal around with him. He called it The Journal of Impossible Things. Or, well… y-yeah. He called it that. I don't know. I suppose he likes naming things with long titles. The journal itself was fascinating. Had all the adventures that were stored in my memory written and drawn on the pages. The TARDIS. It was a magic box to John. Really funny.

I-no, John. _John_. John was showing the journal to a girl, Joan Redfern, and she found a drawing of Rose. John is absolutely horrible with drawing. He didn't do her justice when he drew her from his 'dream'. I do have to give him props for trying.

Anyway. I apologize. I was getting off topic there for a moment. Me and my stupid lovesick babbling. Joan found the page. She called Rose pretty. Well, of course she is! But John denied it. Called her an invention. Heh, isn't she one, though? Too perfect to be real so it's best to assume Rose was a figment of John's - maybe even my - imagination. Someone who belongs in dreams. Someone who's too perfect to be walking on Earth.

John doesn't dwell too much with Rose. Of course not. John and I may be two different people personality-wise, but we're still the same person. At this time, I think I didn't need to focus on Rose. I needed to focus on other things. The Family of Blood, for example. It wasn't the time to think of Rose, really. John had to keep his priorities straight. And mine as well.

"Seems to disappear later on."

The girl that keeps on walking away without answering. She dresses in the most immodest way. The human that drops rose petals from her lips when she speaks and sending those petals through time and space. The defender of Earth. The girl that won't stop. Won't stop walking. Won't stop running. And she'll be gone.

I guess, after all this time, Rose is just an invention. Maybe I was dreaming her up, dreaming how wonderful she is and all that.

And then again, maybe it's just her. Just her being her.


	14. Reunion

"_Rose! Long time no see!"_

* * *

Got shot by a damn Dalek! It hurt. It hurt like hell. But that didn't stop me from greeting Rose back. Her and that gun of hers. Her and that smile of hers. Her and that leather jacket of hers. Her and… just her. Just looking at her, it was some sort of… dream. Some kind of dream. Of course, it felt like it. I was shot by a damn _Dalek_. Why shouldn't I have felt like I've already died and was imagining a heaven with Rose?

Other than my sweet delusions, I think that I was ecstatic to see Rose. Wait. No. I don't think. I know. I felt so goddamn happy. I mean, I haven't seen her in so long. And she decided to pop up into my life again? Out of nowhere? Oh, that Rose. Silly little thing.

But what shocked me the most was not because of her being you know, there. With me. Our reunion. I wasn't too shocked with that. I was more surprised about what she was wearing. As I had mentioned before, she was wearing a leather jacket. Who else wore a leather jacket? My ninth. My previous body. Who used big guns to ward off enemies? My ninth. It was like, I don't know, a homage!

Even though I'm in my tenth body, she decided - maybe she decided? I don't know, I should probably ask - to dress up as my ninth. My ninth was _her_ Doctor. Not this. Not me. _I_ was made for her. I had to return the favor, didn't I?

I'm babbling, aren't I? I said I wouldn't. I know I said that, but I apologize. I just can't help it.

Anyway, I got shot by a Dalek. Way to ruin our meeting. I fell to the ground, Rose cradled me. We smiled. We gazed into each other's eyes…

And we did not kiss.

No. But damn, I wish I did. I should've kissed her. But I wasn't thinking straight because a stupid Dalek was in the way. Thankfully, it wasn't a problem anymore.

Still, I should've kissed her. Isn't that what people do when they haven't seen each other for so long? Kiss and hug and all that? I would've liked that. She would've liked it, too.

…

Getting to see her face again. Seeing that smile. It was too much. Too much. All I wanted to do was hug her and kiss every centimeter of her face. Because, hell. She's alive. Out of her universe, yes, but so very alive. Breathing. Touching. To be honest, I thought she was going to get killed in Pete's world. It was just as dangerous as the universe I'm in. But wow. Just… alive.

I'm just so-I don't know. I'm outrageously happy that she's all right now. It certainly had been too long.


	15. Whisper

"_Does it need saying?"_

* * *

Looks like I've got some explaining to do. I have a meta-crisis of myself. Basically a copy of me. Just, you know, with one heart. Long story short: he was created in… 'a time of need' and is now living with Rose. Ooh. Ouch. Okay. Maybe not living with… yeah, they're together.

I brought Rose back to her universe after our whole adventure ended. Handy - or I don't know, John Smith? Man-who-looks-and-acts-like-me-but-isn't-me? - was dropped into that universe because he was too dangerous. Too angry. Too destructive. Like my ninth before I met Rose. So angry, so dark, so full of hatred for himself. So full of jealous for humans. He was like my ninth. And you know, Donna. Another companion of mine. Lovely lass. Had to erase her mind, however.

Rose asked what I was going to say back when I left her in Pete's universe. I didn't - and still don't - understand why she asked. It's obvious.

I love her.

Simple as that. I suppose that she wanted me to say it. Aloud. Of course, I couldn't. I still can't, I think. I can write it down, but not say it. It's too much. So, I didn't say it. Instead, I said _that_. Does it really need any saying? It… she baffles me, that Rose Tyler. Maybe she wanted some closure?

And when I said it, Handy - or John or whatever he's called now - leaned in and whispered it to her. They kissed. I was feeling pretty damn jealous. I wished I was Handy. But they got their happy ending. I couldn't stay with Rose. I simply couldn't. I had to give her the next best thing. A copy of myself. It's better than nothing. But I was jealous. I was sad, too. I lost her and all my other companions. They got closure. They left by choice or I forced them to. Rose got her happy ending.

So, this. This right here? This is closure. This writing is closure. I don't need to say how much I love Rose even though I really want to.

Like I said before, saying "I love you" is a chore. It's just a reminder. I don't understand why you humans need to say it every single day. I'd rather not say it. I really don't. Isn't "run" good enough? "Run! Here, grab my hand!" "Run! Run for your life!" "Run! Don't look back, just keep running forward!"

I think I'd like to use that word to express my love to my companions. Definitely better than those three words.

Still. I'm not going to lie. I do appreciate Rose. I do love her. I just won't say it to her.

She knew.

She always did.

And I'm glad she's doing okay with Handy.


	16. Tyler

So… now you know. These were my times that I meant to say "I love you" to Rose Marion Tyler. Professed my love to her. Made it known to her and to strangers.

The thing with me and Rose, we're not star-crossed lovers. We're nothing like Romeo and Juliet. We didn't expect to fall in love with each other. We didn't lust for each other. We're more like magnets. We instantly clicked. So, of course we're not star-crossed lovers. We _danced_ among the stars. They twirled in unison as we did. The stars have nothing on us. The stars wanted us together. We're more like sun-bound lovers. Too hot to touch. We had already gotten too close. We burned. But now we can't get away from each other's hold. No matter how hard one of us tries to move away, the sun will force us back together somehow.

We're apart right now. I've got nobody. No companions. At least, not yet. Recently met a man who claimed to be me. Wasn't really. He was a nice bloke, though. But… nobody. No hand to hold. No one to make jokes with or run with.

Besides, she has Handy with her. My meta-crisis. She'll spend her life with him and I'll continue living. Still, I think we're going to meet again. Probably in this body or one of my future regenerations. I don't care. It's all right if we don't bump into one another in the future. I don't care anymore. Rose is happy. She's with someone she loves. If she's happy, I'll be all right. I know it's cheesy, but I'll keep pushing through. And don't get me wrong, I'd _love_ it if we were to meet again, but I think It's been going on for too long. This romance of ours. We'll both move on.

Rose Tyler stole my heart. Without my realizing it. That takes some skill. I do think I'll keep Rose in my heart. Good thing I've got two hearts. One for Rose, one for everyone else. Yeah. She's just that special. She's just that fantastic.

I love her. Simple as that. Do I need to say any more? I may not have been the one to say it physically to her, but it's so, so clear. Anybody can see it. We were meant to be. Until I gave her a substitute; an alternative. The best I could do.

So, this thing is devoted to her. I've come to the point that it's okay to let go. I think it's all right. It's time to let go of Rose. I'm ready. I'll be holding other people's hands and believing in whatever they do and giving them compliments, but she'll always be in my heart. She took it, after all… that chav.

It's time.

I'm letting Rose Tyler go.

And Rose? If you're reading this… well, you know. We have forever. We're magnets. Sun-bound lovers. And I have three words to tell you.

Pink and yellow.

**END**


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